


Dr. and Mrs. Smith

by IvorySteel92



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dancing, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, One Shot, Shrimp, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvorySteel92/pseuds/IvorySteel92
Summary: The Doctor takes Yaz out on a date. Except it's definitely, definitely not a real date.





	Dr. and Mrs. Smith

“Yasmin Khan, will you go to the ball with me?”

 

She wasn't really asking her, not for real. At least, she thought so. It was only to catch the diamond thieves. She still wasn't entirely sure why they were catching thieves - the Doctor had seen an advert and seemed very insistent that they answer it. To catch the diamond thieves, they needed to get into the party. And to get into the party, they needed a date. Initially, Graham had offered to accompany the Doctor, but she had dismissed that idea straight away. 

 

“This planet, at this point in time, they're a little… old-fashioned. Hassarians only breed with their own sex, and they're… well, not very tolerant of opposite-sex couples. We'd be chased out of the party before we even got to the entrees, and I love the entrees! Tell you what, you haven't tasted anything until you've tasted Hassarian shrimp. But back to the point - we'll need to pair up with our own gender.”

 

Ryan raised his hand straight away. “I'll stay here, yeah? Watch the TARDIS?”

 

Graham quickly agreed. “Oh, blimey, yeah. You girls go yo the party. We’ll just stay here.”

 

The Doctor cottoned on then. “Right! Yeah, good point. Just me and Yaz. Good job I'm a woman now, eh!” She turned to her then. “Yasmin Khan, will you go to the ball with me?”

 

She reminded herself again - it definitely wasn't a real date. The Doctor was wonderful, but she was an alien. She was 2000 years old (or 4000,or 900… it depended on what day you asked her). She travelled through time and space, saving planets and galaxies. She wasn't someone who asked people out on dates. And even if she was, why would she want to ask out her?  _ Stupid Yasmin _ she thought.  _ You're not that special.  _ Still, the excitement rose to her throat unbidden, and she had to swallow the warm, fuzzy feelings back down, denying them any sign of showing on her face. “Yes! I mean, yeah, of course. For the mission.”

 

The Doctor nodded. “For the mission. Right then. Ball gowns. I think there's some that'll fit you. Seventeenth door in the left from the library. And oh! Do I need one too? Been a long time since I wore a ball gown, and that one I stole off Audrey Hepburn…” She tailed off and wandered away, apparently lost in thought. 

 

There was a whole rack of gowns in the room the Doctor had suggested. Gowns of every imaginable colour and fit, and seemingly from every imaginable part of Earth history. She had fun for a little while, trying on the many dresses  pretending to be a Roman Noblewoman, an Elizabethan Countess, a 1920s flapper… before finally deciding on a modern-looking gown of blue silk. 

 

Yaz had never really been into pretty dresses or princesses. When she was a kid, some boys she played with tried to make her be a princess so they could “rescue” her. She pushed one of them over and stole his policeman hat. But as she looked in the mirror, with pale turquoise gown cascading down her body, and silver necklace and shoes to match, she couldn't help but enjoy herself a little bit. For once in her life, she actually felt beautiful. 

  
  


*     * *

 

She stood by the TARDIS doors, fiddling with her fingers, waiting for the Doctor to appear. She wondered what kind of dress the Doctor would have chosen. Somehow, she couldn't imagine the Doctor in a ball gown. 

 

It turned out, she imagined correctly. The Doctor appeared in the console room, adjusting the cuffs of her shirt nervously. “I know most human women would wear a dress. But what do you think?”

 

The Doctor was dressed in a form-fitting suit, charcoal grey. Her shirt was white and tight, and she wore a thin black tie around her neck. Yaz had to grab a hold of the railing and subtly catch her breath. “Yeah, you look…”  _ Stunning. Beautiful. Fuck-me-up-against-the-wall ravishing.  _ “Perfect,” she finished. “It's very you.”

 

The Doctor grinned at that. “Alright then! Let's get a shift on!”. She bounded towards Yaz, and offered her arm. “Miss Khan, will you accompany me to the ball?” Yaz grinned, looked down and slipped her arm into the Doctor's. She felt so warm to touch. She let the older woman lead her through the doors, trying not to let the redness in her cheeks show. 

  
  


*     * *

 

The mansion they arrived at was alien and beautiful - a huge dome of emerald walls and golden turrets, surrounded by gardens of milky-white grass. The guests mostly looked human, though the Doctor assured her they were all native Hassarians. She tried to take in and appreciate the majesty of everything around her, but her brain seemed to only want to hyper-focus on the fact that the Doctor was still holding her arm. 

 

They reached the door, and were greeted by a deferential squid in a black suit. “Good evening, Madames,” said the squid, bowing. “Who do I have the honour of greeting?”

 

“Hello! I'm the Doctor. Doctor Smith, I mean. Jane Smith. Here's our invitations.” She shoved the psychic paper towards him. 

 

“Ah yes,” said the squid. “Dr. and Mrs. Smith, how lovely to see you here tonight.”

 

“What? No, we're not married…” She grabbed the psychic paper back and inspected it herself with dawning realisation. “We're  _ married.  _ Of course. Silly me! Always forget I have a wife! I hope we had a nice wedding!”

 

She desperately tried to ignore the thumping rush between her ears and keep a straight face.  _ Her wife, she called you her wife. Imagine that, the Doctor's wife!  _ “She's such a joker! Always pretending she doesn't remember our wedding. Aren't you, er, dear?” She jabbed the Doctor in the ribs, then turned back to the alien. “Yasmin Smith-Khan, lovely to meet you.”

 

The squid nodded nervously and gestured them forward, clearly now eager to get to the next couple in the queue. 

 

“Sorry about that, psychic paper has a mind of its own sometimes.” The Doctor shoved the paper back into her pocket. If Yaz didn't know better, she'd think the Doctor was blushing. 

 

“Yeah, course, no worries. So Doctor, what's the plan?”

 

“Plan? Right, yes, good point, the plan. In about forty-five minutes, there will be an explosion in the East Wing. That'll be the diamond thieves breaking through the wall. What they don't know, is that we'll be there, and we'll have these-” She pressed a bundle of small metal spheres into her hands. “Portable holding cells. Chuck one on them and they'll be frozen in place. Then we return them to the Chancellor and be on our way. But first, and this is very important, Yaz, turn around.”

 

“Why, what's behind me?” She instantly suspected another giant spider, or a minion of the Turtle King. 

 

“The shrimp!” The Doctor exclaimed. She leapt up and grabbed two from the server behind her. They looked more like large purple prawns with several dozen legs than shrimp, but they smelled of garlic and rose petals and when Yaz bit into hers it exploded with an entirely new flavour. She watched the Doctor chew hers with wide eyes and a satisfied smile, and knew exactly how she felt. 

 

“That is amazing! How have you never taken me to have these before?”

 

“If you think that's amazing, you should try the Sun Fruit of The Accacia systems. Lovely in a fruit salad!”

 

“You'll have to take me there! When we have our second date, I expect to be impressed!” She teased, jokingly. At least she thought she was joking.  _ Oh god, what if I've just made it weird?  _

 

The Doctor just laughed, however. “Oi, I married you before our first date, if that's not impressive I don't know what is!”

 

Yaz laughed, her body relaxing a little. She looked around at the room. It was filled with richly dressed couples - wives with wives and husbands with husband's, dancing and chatting beneath the emerald ceiling. It was like the most up-scale gay bar Yaz had ever been to. “So. What's the plan for the next two hours then?”

 

The Doctor shrugged. “Have a date, I suppose? Not that this is a real date, but we should probably act like it is. Best way to avoid suspicion. What do you do on a date? Talk about your… pets? Mortgages? Help me, Yaz, I'm not a dater. What do people do? ”

 

“Make stuff up, mostly. But if it's any consolation, I'm not really a dater either. I don't get asked out often”

 

She scrunched up her face violently at that. “What?! You, perfect beautiful human being Yasmin Khan, don't get asked out?!”

 

She tried not to smile too much at the way the Doctor spoke about her. It was hard sometimes. But that was just the way the Doctor talked about a lot of people. At least, she assumed. She shrugged. “I don't go out much. I always studied hard in school, then went straight into police training. I didn't really have any time for friends, or boyfriends… or girlfriends.” She left the last part of that sentence hanging, wondering if the other woman would pick up on it. She didn't, to Yaz’ great relief. She was tired of explaining to everyone that ‘Yes, she was bi’ and ‘No, she didn't want a threesome’. 

 

The other woman just smiled kindly. “I didn't get asked out in school either.”

 

“I can't imagine you in school.”

 

“I didn't have many friends either. Well, one, but he was kind of… Well, it's a long story.” She let out a heavy sigh. 

 

“You've got us now,” offered Yaz. “And I… we've got you.”

 

“Yeah! Best friends with Yasmin Khan, wouldn't change it for the world!” She smiled, and squeezed Yasmin’s hand. “Now, I think I'm remembering. People dance at balls, yeah?”

 

“People dance,” she confirmed. “Do you?”

 

“I think so? I don't know. Never tried it - not with these feet, anyway. I might have two left feet - literally, that can happen if you're not careful.” She offered up her arms, preparing to lead. “Wanna find out?”

 

“Definitely!” Yaz took her arms, honestly not sure if she wanted the Doctor to hilariously fail or sweep her off her feet. As it happened, it was the latter. She led her, divine in her dark suit, twirling around the dance floor, Yaz’ blue dress fluttering behind them like petals in the wind. 

 

Yaz had to catch her breath as the song ended, shifting into a slower tune. “Who taught you to do that?”

 

The Doctor continued to lead her in a slow trance around the room. “The dancing monks of Urum-Jai. Great lads them, they throw better parties than most monks.”

 

“I swear you make up half the things you say, Doctor.”

 

“You said yourself, that's what people do on dates.”

 

“I thought this wasn't a real date?”

 

“And I wasn't a real monk - didn't stop me dancing.”

 

“And that was the last time you danced?”

 

“No, the last time I danced… well, it was the last time I had a date.”

 

Yaz tried not to let her jealousy show, furious as it was. “ _ You _ were on a date? Who with?”

 

She was silent for several long moments. “With my wife,” she added simply. 

 

“Your… you were married?”

 

“Yeah, a few times. Few dozen times, those most of those probably weren't legally binding.” She was trying to make a joke, but the sadness was plain on her face.

 

Yasmin stroked her back soothingly, swaying softly with the music. “What was her name?”

 

“Her name was River. And she was amazing, Yaz, you would've loved her.”

 

Her jealousy was mostly gone now. Now, she only felt the loss and the love in the Doctor's voice. 

 

“I bet she was. She would've had to be, to marry you.” Only someone exceptional could catch the Doctor's eye, she knew that now.  _ Not someone like me.  _

 

The alien woman screwed up her face then and shook her head. “Sorry! This isn't regular first date talk, is it?”

 

“Doctor, what about this do you think is a regular first date?”

 

“We had dinner!”

 

“We had shrimp!”

 

“We've had dancing!”

 

“Hmm. No movie though.”

 

“Right then.”She stopped dancing immediately and grabbed her hand. “Come with me.”

  
  


*     * *

  
  


“Doctor, why are we here?”

 

They were sat outside, on marble benches beneath bristly hedgerows, watching the rest of the party through the green glass. 

 

“People-watching! Best movie there is. Besides, we probably should work out who the diamond thieves are.” The Doctor began staring intently, eliminating suspects in her mind. 

 

“Oh. Yeah. The reason we're here.” Yaz slumped down on the bench. It was cold in the alien night. This had been a lot more fun when they had been dancing. 

 

They sat in silence, Yaz tapping her foot impatiently, for over 10 minutes, until she'd finally had enough. “Right, I'll just go then, shall I?”

 

The Doctor looked genuinely horrified. “Go? Why are you going? Don't go, Yaz, I need you. They'll realise I don't belong in seconds.”

 

“And?”

 

“And we need to catch the diamond thieves!”

 

“Who cares about the diamond thieves? Doctor, we're not the police. Well, I am, but not on this planet. And you're not anywhere - you drive a stolen vehicle!”

 

“What's your point?”

 

“My point is - what are we doing here? You just answered a random advert from another galaxy?”

 

“I thought it would be fun! You love those heist movies!

 

“This isn't a heist! It's a… Well, that's the whole issue. What is this?”

 

“This is a garden.”

 

“No,  _ this. _ ” Yaz let out a breath. She was tired of not asking. It was driving her crazy. “One moment, you're dancing with me, and sharing with me, and then the next you're all work. And that's fine, I know you're a mile a minute person, and that's fine. But it's a lot, you know. And sometimes… I don't always know where I stand.”

 

The Doctor bit her lip and looked down at the grass. “I'm sorry. The whole area of emotions - human emotions - I'm not very good at them.”

 

Yaz took a breath, softening up again. It was impossible to stay mad at the Doctor, with her face like a kicked puppy. “Just tell me this. Is this a real date?”

 

The woman looked up at her, hazel eyes meeting her deep brown. Strands of blonde hair fluttered in the alien breeze. “I don't do real dates,” she warned. “It's nothing personal, that's just not… it's impossible. Even if I….” She looked away, biting her lip. “This was a mistake. You stay here, I'll go watch the other wing.”

 

With a lump in her throat, she watched the Doctor awkwardly stride away. 

 

_ Stupid, stupid Yaz _ . She wiped her eyes clean, cursing herself for ruining the night. If only she hadn't pushed, they could be back in there dancing.  _ Playing pretend, you mean. What's the point if none of it is real?  _

 

“Marriage troubles?” The voice from behind her made her jump. An old man stood behind her, smoking a pipe that leaked ugly yellow smoke. He held out a handkerchief for her. 

 

“Kind of. Not really. Thank you.” She took the handkerchief, forcing a smile. 

 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spy. I know a couple’s tiff when I see it though. How long have you been together?”

 

“Oh, um… not long.”

 

“My wife and I have been fifty years,” he bragged, pulling on his braces. “If there's one thing I learned in that time, it's that there's no fight that can't be fixed with love and an apology.”

 

Yaz thought a moment. Then she heard it. “Wait, did you say your wife? You're here with your wife?”

 

“Yes, my Mashagra,” he smiled. Oh, maybe fifty years ago we wouldn't have been able to come here together, but luckily times change. People are more accepting, you know…”

 

_ The Doctor lied,  _ she thought, piecing it together.  _ They could've come here with Graham and Ryan, but she lied so only Yaz would come… She asked me to go to the ball with her… _

 

“I'm sorry.” She cut off the old man. “Thank you, for the hankie and the advice. I hope you and your wife have a lovely time tonight. I have to go. I have to go see the, uh, my wife.”

 

She almost sprinted across the gardens, at least as quickly as she could in a silk gown. She found the a Doctor a few hundred yards away, sitting cross-legged on the floor. She scrambled up when she saw Yaz. 

 

“Yaz?! What are you doing here? Why are you smiling? Are you going to slap me?”

 

“I know this can't be a regular date. You couldnt ask me out a normal way, because you're you. I get that, I really do. You're not human, you're  _ you, _ and honestly, I wouldn't want anything else. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met.” She took the Doctor's warm hands in hers. “We can carry on definitely not dating, if you like. As long as we can spend time together like this, just you and me, I don't care what we call it. What do you say?”

 

She thought for a terrifying moment she'd made a huge mistake. Then the Doctor's eyes sparkled and the wisest grin she'd ever seen appeared across her face. “Yasmin Khan, you are exceptional.”

 

She kissed her then. It wasn't planned, and Yasmin usually planned everything. It just seemed like the thing to do. She learned forward on her toes to press the lightest of kisses against the older woman's lips, just for a heartbeat or two. They looked at each other, asking silently for permission, before they met in the middle, closing the gap between their mouths. She felt the Doctor's hands at the small of her back and wrapped her own in her partners hair, pulling her close, every nerve in her body alive. Lights shone behind her eyelids, a thousand fireworks exploding inside her, shaking the very Earth around them.. 

 

Except, she realised as they pulled apart a few seconds later, that wasn't a metaphor. The ground really was shaking. The East Wing, a few hundred yards away, was on fire and people ran towards it, screaming. “The diamonds!” she heard them cry. “They've got the diamond!”

 

“Oh,” said the Doctor. “I think we forgot about the thieves.” She didn't move her gaze from Yaz’ eyes. 

 

“Yeah,” confirmed Yaz, breathless. “Probably should go do that.”

 

“Yeah.” The Doctor took her hand and squeezed it tight. “Time to run I think.”

  
  


*     * *

  
  


Maybe chasing down diamond thieves in an alien’s garden wasn't everyone's idea of a first date. But Yaz thought - as the Doctor was feeding her shrimp, arms wrapped around her, the two of them beneath the midnight Hassarian sky - it was definitely good enough for her. 


End file.
